Have you heard about the recent post in a mumsnet forum regarding a wedding present? A bemused and shocked wedding guest asked for some advice on an ex-colleague’s reaction to her wedding gift?
Cash gifts were apparently asked for and £100 was given but the bolshy bride asked if ‘an adjustment’ could be made to the amount. The cash cheque was cashed rather quickly afterwards (unsurprisingly) but the outraged responses by users of the website quickly highlighted how shocking this was. They received an email stating the recipients
“were surprised that your contribution didn’t seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day…In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received”.
Interestingly, a recent survey of 2008 people by online gift retailer GettingPersonal.co.uk revealed that over half of respondents said they ignored gift lists, with 40% saying they did so in order to cut down on expenditure.
Do I need to be more specific about what I want, then?
Not exactly. Some guests will have an idea in their minds, anyway. All you can do is ask but like birthdays and Xmas, you might get something different to what you imagined…
So, what IS the etiquette for asking and receiving gifts?
A lot of guests will ask you so it’s good to have something in mind whether it be vouchers, gifts or cash.
What about the people who won’t bother?
You must accept that some people won’t bother at all (and some won’t even leave a card) and some will be overly generous but don’t get hung up about this. As cheesy as it sounds, it is people’s PRESENCE itself on the big day that means more than presents.
Is it ok to ask what we want to receive on the invitations?
Yes, there is absolutely wrong with this at all but bear in mind if you do you need to word it carefully. People will want to know so it will give them the heads-up but phrase it as a gesture rather than a diva-ish demand.
Some people give to charity, should we?
If there is a charity that you feel really passionate about then it’s a lovely idea. But don’t do it grudgingly: if you are saving up for a honeymoon or for new household items then ask for what you need.
How do we avoid doing what this bride did?
Remember, people aren’t made up of money and people have different budgets: what may seem a huge amount to one guest may be seen as peanuts to others. Do not judge people on what you think they can afford. It’s not what ultimately matters, anyway. Whatever you have received from your guests, it’s a really nice gesture to send at least a thank you text or a thankyou card or both.
How do we keep track of all the presents and money received?
Simple…Write it all down as you go. You’ll never remember, otherwise.